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Joke of the Day
"Twitter: where amateurs bring top shelf humor, and professional comedians bring amateur jokes."
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"I was arrested for punching an elderly African-American lady at Home Depot. My wife told me to find a Black N' Decker."
"A man and a woman are sitting next to each other... The woman says ""If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee."" The man says ""If you were my wife, I'd drink it."""
"Q: What do you call the folks who hang around the musicians at conservatories? A: Violists."
"You only miss something when you notices something is gone... Only now I realise how many words requires the letter W because my keyboard can't type 'W'."
"I think what I despise the most about blind people is knowing they'll get rid of that dog as soon as they start to see."
"I think my wife is overdoing her lent observance. She won't even toss my salad."
"I'm worried about DeNiro's mole."
"What do you call a shoe with no laces Shoe HA!"
"Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Chuck Norris wanted his nickname back."