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Joke of the Day

"You only miss something when you notices something is gone... Only now I realise how many words requires the letter W because my keyboard can't type 'W'."

"*visits new girlfriend's house for 1st time* ""Make yourself at home"" Great. Thanks! *I crawl into the closet and begin sobbing loudly*"

"What do you call an honest lawyer? An oxymoron."

"My trip to the psychiatrist. Me: I have a crippling fear of backstories. Psychiatrist: So when did this begin? Me: AHHHHH!!!!!!"

"How do you stop your ol' lady from ruining your Saturday night? Kill the bitch on friday."

"Bee population worldwide is exploding. What a time to be a hive."

"Q: How would a blonde punctuate the following?: ""Fun fun fun worry worry worry"" A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!"

"Why can't Two-Face kill Batman? Because he's two Dents."

"I love you like a fat kid loves anything that will make him forget that his dad physically abuses him."

"My girlfriend is getting bored of my obsession with pretending to be a detective, she's suggested we should split up. It's a good idea, we'll cover more ground that way."