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Joke of the Day
"Vegan pizza.... is basically just the box."
Next Joke
"Three guys walk into a bar... John Wick kills them with a pencil. A fucking pencil."
"Dog: I like pizza. Me: You've never had pizza. Dog: It's food. Me: So? Dog: So I like it. Me: I'm not giving you my pizza."
"Did you hear about that synthetic type of weed they made using dog hair? Instead of k2, they call it k9."
"Why do old men need a Viagra and a Doans before sex? The Doans is so their back don't peter out, and the Viagra is so their peter don't back out!"
"How many shrinks does it take to change a tire? Well, first the tire really has to want to change..."
"Why should you be scared of a white person in prison? Because they are most certainly guilty."
"Walmart is giving away dead batteries for the holidays... Free of charge"
"Words can't even describe how beautiful you are. But numbers can, 3/10."
"[plays dead to stop a bear from chasing me but then it plays dead next to me and we end stargazing together, forming a spiritual connection]"