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Joke of the Day

"Perks of being a child of divorce Being able to operate Direct TV and Dish"

"If someone hits you with a coffee mug, have you technically been mugged?"

"I always write great unit tests Wouldn't want a careless bug to crash one of my viruses."

"Someone told me they dont get tattoos cuz ""you dont put bumper stickers on a Ferrari"" which was weird bc he was a 92 Chevy caprice at best"

"And now I spend the rest of the day worrying about whether or not I removed the sticker from the apple I just ate."

"I like my upvotes like I like my women. .. One at a time and not very often."

"[leans over to kid watching Planet of the Apes in the theatre] Call them monkeys one more time & see what happens."

"What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist!"

"Losing my virginity was a lot like my first football game Hurt, bloody, but at least my dad came."

"My grandpa has the heart of a lion, And a lifetime ban from the zoo."