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Joke of the Day

"You know that you're not a child anymore when... you fall asleep on the couch and wake up on the couch."

"Is it physically possible to be sad in rollerskates? Cause I think my cat's just being dramatic."

"Inventor of the bar code dies at 91. Several burial attempts will be made before a manager is called to enter him into the ground manually."

"I had a dream That the most beautiful plate of salmon with lemon zest and crusted parmesan was in front and before I could dig in I woke and saw it was my wife's leg spread open."

"I'm white, but... Nope. Can't do one of those today. Look, I'm at a B&B on Cape Cod right now. I'm a fanny pack away from translucent."

"A friend of mine in law enforcement doesn't like The Clash. I guess you could say that sheriff don't like it."

"I'd rather take a bullet for my son than cover for him when mom asks who left the dirty dishes in the sink..."

"What repulsive awful thing can be found in a black persons clothes? The black person."

"In preschool, I became friends with a little girl I showed her mine, and she showed me hers. However, a preschool teacher found out about it, and I was fired."

"a joke about a lawyer Q: why did the lawyer get written up for sexual harassment? A: he kept asking people if they had seen his briefs."