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Joke of the Day

"I found out today that if I just let go of the steering wheel, my car will drive itself. The catch is: my car is a terrible driver."

"Honey, your skirt is so short that your STD is showing."

"Sherlock was working on his garden, when Watson walked over and asked what he was planting. ""What are you planting?"" said Watson. ""It's a lemon tree, my dear Watson."""

"I know I know So what do you call a black woman who has had 9 abortions? A Crime Fighter!!!"

"Did you hear about the alligator who couldn't get a hard-on? He had a reptile dysfunction."

"I wouldn't mind being catcalled if it were useful: ""Hey baby, boot sale at Macy's!"" or, ""Line's shorter at Starbucks on 5th, sweet cheeks!"""

"A threesome? No...if I wanted to disappoint two people at the same time I would go to dinner with my parents"

"A boob job sounds like the best job in the world."

"I think it'd be cool to be immortal for a day, just to see what it's like."

"If you were stranded on a deserted island, what's one thing you'd bring with you? A boat."