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Joke of the Day

"CASHIER: what, no tip? ME: here's a tip: always wear a seat belt CASHIER: no, i meant money ME: oh sorry. invest in a 401(k)"

"These people are screaming like they've never seen pompoms on an axe before."

"""Batman, we need your help in Paris immediately."" ""Worry not, Commissioner, I've already changed my Facebook profile picture."""

"Not to brag, but I can still fit into my high-school girlfriend."

"Just heard my neighbor say ""Wow"" from inside her house about the fart I just did inside mine."

"I have a photographic memory But I ran out of film a long time ago"

"A photon checks into a hotel.. The bellhop says: ""Can I get your bags?"" The photon says: ""that's ok, I'm traveling light"" - I heard Neil DeGrasse Tyson tell this joke with pure giddiness"

"Life is a highway and I don't have a car"

"What's a Jewish Catch 22? Free Ham."

"Has anyone seen my sex doll? Of course I checked the tree house. Oh wait, it's here on the front lawn, still in your wedding dress LOL"