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Joke of the Day

"Putting a bell around a cow's neck to circumvent its stealthiness is just wrong. I say let them hunt."

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"What do you call a smiling Roman with a hair in his teeth? Gladiator."
"i was just singing radiohead's 'creep' into my cat's ear and he started meowing it along with me then we both took a shit in his litter box."
"2016 is almost coming to an end Surprise MFs. I have a leap second added to me."
"Man calls home before leaving the office, asks his wife to slide down the banister. To get his dinner warmed up."
"I started dating a psychiatrist. Now I'm afraid of commitment."
"There are rumours big Canadian banks Scotia and TD may merge... giving Canada one giant STD"
"How can you tell if a Newfoundlander is gay? He eyes the b'ys."
"The problem with feminists... The problem with feminists is that they don't stop talking and I just want to fuck them."
"No YOU'RE the stalker. (I write on your work bathroom mirror in blood)"