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Joke of the Day

"Total shocker that you actually have to pay for things when you get to the register. Go ahead and dump your purse on the counter. We'll wait"

"What is the difference between a joke and sex? A forced joke can still be somewhat humerous."

"What's Irish and sits outside? Patio Furniture"

"If I stop my car for you to walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knee's to chest b!tch , knee's to chest!!!"

"I'm opening a restaurant called ""It doesn't matter, whatever you want"" since every girl alive wants guys to take them there."

"What's the best part about having a dog lick peanut butter off your balls? Finishing."

"Did you hear about the engineer who was trying to truncate a table? They say his technique was cutting-edge"

"89% of being a parent is telling my kids to put on shoes before we leave the house and then getting in the car wearing my slippers."

"What do the Zika virus and Catholic priests have in common? They both give kids a little head."

"How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? You give him aids"