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Joke of the Day

"89% of being a parent is telling my kids to put on shoes before we leave the house and then getting in the car wearing my slippers."

"I was arrested for having sex with a 15 year old girl... ...i thought she was a couple of years older than that, I suppose that makes two reasons why I'm a bad father."

"I told my chiropractor that my spine was already in alignment, but he proved me wrong. Now I stand corrected."

"I once saw a slice of toast in a zoo. It was bread in captivity."

"What kind of pants does the Pink Panther wear? Denim Denim Denim Denim Denim Denim Deniiiiim"

"Why couldn't they execute the railway worker with the electric chair? He was too good a conductor"

"""Have fun"" is just a nicer phrase for ""have a horrible time without me."""

"How do you make five pounds of fat fun? Add a nipple."

"A black couple leave a generous tip at a restaurant.... Just kidding."

"My first joke here and an original! Did you hear about the two lawyers who set up shop under the old oak tree? I heard it was a pretty shady business."