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Joke of the Day

"I'm lucky enough to be ambidextrous. It's just a shame I'm a lefty."

"I said to the shoe salesman - I'd like to return these shoes... They've got holes in them! Shoe Salesman - Hmmmm yes, that certainly seems to be the Crocs of the matter."

"Yea, go ahead and destroy that spider's web. It's not like he spent a week making it so he can kill bugs that are in your house. Asshole."

"Philosophical porn Person 1: Hey, why don't you watch philosophical porn? Person 2: Eh, it only appeals to a very Nietzsche fanbase."

"What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts."

"I'm uncomfortable with abortion. It gives me cramps."

"I used to be a door to door vacuum salesman... That shit sucked."

"I'm getting pretty worried, my girlfriend hasn't gotten her period yet. And she's already 14."

"A couple's having breakfast. He says, ""Were you faking it last night?"" She says, ""No, I was really asleep."""

"Why did Sally fall off the swing?? Because she had no arms."