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Joke of the Day

"I wake up relatively happy every morning. Then I interact with other people and things change quickly."

"When Jimmy Fallon started hosting The Tonight Show, Conan called him up to offer some advice... The first thing he said was: ""Kill your enemies and see them driven before you..."""

"Cop: Know why I pulled you over? Me: Yeah Cop: Oh ok nevermind"

"Day 19, I have successfully conditioned my master to smile and write in his book every time I drool.- Pavlov's Dog"

"What's the opposite of Adele? Amac or BB-Mac (you pick which one's funnier)"

"Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they're ugly and smell bad."

"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was."

"The Russian skater has a mullet. Glasnost in front, Perestroika in back."

"Text: ARE YOU ALIVE? Me: Why?"

"Born free, taxed to death."