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Joke of the Day

"Born free, taxed to death."

"Bought a jug of detergent that said it will clean 126 loads. ...So why, after 3 washes, do my sheets still glow under the black light?"

"*Looking through binoculars Awww, it looks like she forgot her password. I should remind her what it is."

"Why are parents boring? Because they're groan-ups."

"*mom puts a gummy vitamin in my mouth while I yawn* Mom, I'm 36. *chews it up, swallows* Adults are supposed to have 2 though."

"I'm currently working on a management oriented book focused on the delegation of tasks ""I'll have my secretary let you know when my intern finishes writing it."" - Mr. Manager Cordially, Mrs. Team Lead"

"Why is Santas sack so big? Because he only comes once a year"

"Q. What is good for your soul but not your soles? A. Linedancing!"

"I, too, am shocked Ted Cruz has had sex. I just assumed his kids were born when he ate after midnight and got wet like in the movie Gremlins"

"CW: What's for lunch; smells good! Me: Well I made lasagna last night but lost a fingernail in it & haven't found it yet. CW: Me: *smirks*"