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Joke of the Day

"What's the least spoken language in the world? Sign language."

"Some of us are quiet because we're worried our thoughts might come out."

"It would be funny if, with everyone freaking out about global warming we ended up dying in a good old 60s throwback nuclear war with Russia."

"*walks into work 20 minutes late* *boss glares at me* ""Sorry. Traffic."" *boss gestures to my Starbucks cup* ""Oh this? I found it."""

"Definition of a really good friend. What's the difference between a good friend and a really good friend? A good friend will help you move house A really good friend will help you move a body!"

"NSFW My girlfriend was arrested for riding her bike today. She was charged with peddling pussy."

"What's the difference between an Elephant and a post box? Well, if you don't know I'm definitely not asking you to mail this letter for me."

"I'd make a joke about the Hindenberg, but... I feel like it would *crash and burn*."

"What did the talking cow say to the dog giving birth in front of the feed trough? Moo, bitch. Get out the way."

"Now boarding... Two vultures board an airplane each is carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, ""I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."""