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Joke of the Day

"Vote early and vote often! This *used* to be a real joke"

"What happened when the gay guy put a nicoderm patch on his wiener? He cut down to two butts a day"

"Did you see the video of the woman on her period with a yeast infection? It was bloodcurdling."

"Why wasn't the son of God worried when Microsoft Word crashed while he was writing his term paper? Because Jesus saves."

"I'm going to make a calendar of sexy Islamic extremists I will call it, Ji-hotties"

"You guys need to leave pedophiles alone! They're just kidding around."

"Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper ? He sold his soul to Santa."

"[working in garage] ""Hand me a screwdriver, son"" A flat one? ""No"" [mixes vodka and Orange Crush] Here ya go"

"Justin Bieber getting tasered would be the most watched YouTube video of all time."

"A man comes home to his wife with a big bunch of flowers... ""I suppose I'll have to keep my legs open for the next few days!"" The wife says. The husband replies, ""Why? Don't you have any vases?"""