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Joke of the Day

"What's red and smells like green paint? Red Paint"

"Why couldn't you hear the pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pterodactyl is extinct."

"I once ate a watch. It was time consuming, I didn't go back for seconds."

"My girlfriend wants a Christmas Gift she can wear... I'm going to give her a facial."

"if you take a selfie at a dad's funeral, his hand will rise up out of the casket and give you bunny ears"

"""I have no advice. I can't talk! I am a building."" -Prison advice"

"A guys asks his grandpa how come he still calls his wife ""darling"" after being married for over 60 years. the grandpa says : shush it, I forgot her name 30 years ago."

"QUESTION: How long does a United States Congressman serve? ANSWER: Until he gets caught."

"Flying today and asking myself a question I used to save for first dates: Should I let them see me naked or just feel me up?"

"How many communists does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One guy to screw in the light bulb, and the other guy to shoot him if he doesn't do it right."