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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an African American astronaut? An astronaut you racist Jerk."

"Is LSD illegal or just frowned upon? Asking for a giant purple rabbit."

"My son asked me what language they speak in England. This would have been cute if he wasn't 20 ... And in college."

"Experimental Music sounds like a cool idea until you realize that the experiment is how bad something can be, and still be called music."

"Don't make school shooting jokes. You can't imagine what went through their heads in their final moments."

"Thor in San Francisco Thor arrives in San Francisco and proudly announces ""I AM THOR!"" I flamboyantly gay man looks at him and states ""You're thore? I'm tho thore I can hardly pith."""

"[Spain, 1578] ""I'm not a witch!"" But all the cats? ""My pets!"" The broom? ""For cleaning!"" The cauldron of boiling children? ""Ok I'm a witch."""

"Boy: You are the most funniest and most beautiful girl I have ever met. Girl: You just wanna f*ck me. Boy: Wow and smart to."

"Do you know why cops don't like to find winos that have been dead for more than two hours? The Ripple is flat."

"Bad News: I'm back on Ambien. Good News: Side effects include the chance of hallucinations. Best News: Just ate lunch with Jesus."