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Joke of the Day

"[Spain, 1578] ""I'm not a witch!"" But all the cats? ""My pets!"" The broom? ""For cleaning!"" The cauldron of boiling children? ""Ok I'm a witch."""

"How many Steam employees does it take to change a light bulb? Honestly Im not sure, they havent got back to me yet. It's been 3 weeks."

"As if being a surgeon wasn't enough you're a general too?"

"Why was the Jolly Green Giant wrongly accused of being a pedophile? He'd been letting the kids use his dick for a bungee cord."

"I want to get a job cleaning mirrors It's just something I could see myself doing"

"Someone stoly my Microsoft Office And they're gonna pay. You have my Word."

"How do you get the guitar player off of your porch? Pay for the pizza."

"The last time Twitter was down I was forced to speak to real people. Real people go on and on and on and on, for way over 140 characters..."

"What does Santa and his elves listen to in their Christmas workshop? WRAP MUSIC!"

"Why did John Snow get an iPhone? For the watch."