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Joke of the Day

"Don't flatter yourself, any type of milkshake brings me to the yard."

"Blind man is washing a grater... ..""*this is the biggest bullsh.t I ve ever read*"""

"Dyslexic, you say? How do you spell that?"

"For animals with an ""amazing sense of smell"" dogs sure do sniff piles of turds for a long time before realizing ""Whoops, these are turds"""

"Why did the dog chase the bulldozer? It doesn't like Cats."

"What's the difference between a circus and a strip club? The circus has a bunch of cunning stunts..."

"*eats way too much delicious space pudding* Me: Oof I am STUFFED! What'd you call this again? Alien Chef: OH MY GOD YOU ATE MY GRANDMOTHER!"

"Jill: How did you find the weather on your vacation? Bill: I just went outside and there it was!"

"My kid sat on the floor of a public restroom, so I had to throw him away and now I have to make a new one. Parenting is hard, you guys."

"#presidentfacts Barack Obama is the first president in nearly 80 years to choose a water type as his starting Pokemon"