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Joke of the Day

"*eats way too much delicious space pudding* Me: Oof I am STUFFED! What'd you call this again? Alien Chef: OH MY GOD YOU ATE MY GRANDMOTHER!"

"How do circumcision doctors get paid? In tips."

"Tell the Starbucks barista that your name is Voldemort. Watch for those who don't flinch when the name is called. They will be your allies."

"*in the corridor of the club waiting for my transitions lenses to turn back into glasses* i'll see you ladies inside"

"So Hillary Clinton recently said half of Tump's supporters are a ""Basket of deplorables"". Next Trump will respond saying: ""Half of Hillary's supporters are deportables"""

"two peanuts walk into a bar one was a salted"

"If a blonde and a brunette were tossed off a building together, who would hit the ground first? The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions."

"Today is World Alzheimer's Day! Just in case you forgot."

"Martha Stewart would choke on her craft supplies if she saw how I fold a fitted sheet."

"What do priests and McDonalds have in common? Both stick their meat into ten-year-old buns."