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Joke of the Day

"I like how commercials for gum seem to be predicting a cold, dystopian future where our survival depends on the freshness of our breath."

"What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese!"

"When is there two Ds in ""her?"" http://imgur.com/Rmc4pha"

"What's white and flies through the air? The second cumming."

"Masturbation is like procrastination... ...in the end you're just fucking yourself"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I've never paid to have lentil on me."

"My date thinks he's gonna get me drunk, & then get in my pants. The joke is on him, coz my tolerance is sky high & I'm wearing a skirt."

"I hate paying my income tax. You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile? I'd like to but they insist on money"

"Q: How do you know if a chef is a clown? A: The food tastes funny."

"Yes, it's me Police officer: ""Can you identify yourself, sir?"" Driver pulls out his mirror and says: ""Yes, it's me."""