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Joke of the Day

"My super buff friend told me he never uses any fitness supplements... I didn't believe him and said ""no whey?"""

"Oral exam A mother asks her son how the oral exam was. Son: ""Pious."" Mother: ""What do you mean?"" S: ""The professor asks a question, I cross myself. I give him an answer, he crosses himself."""

"What's the American settler's spirit animal? The groundhog."

"Just sang & made up multiple lyrics w/ actions to ""If you're happy & u know it"" for thirty minutes... In case u need help writing that novel"

"What does a midwestern farmer and a rapper have in common? They both want to make it rain."

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep."

"[a girl favs my tweet] [goes to pharmacy] one condom please"

"What did the fisherman say to the fisherwoman? Your place or mine"

"Anyone who says having a child is the best moment of their life has obviously never had two mars bars fall out of a vending machine at once."

"Why doesn't china have casinos? Because they hate Tibet."