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Joke of the Day
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep."
Next Joke
"Mission Impossible? He's done four of them now. Let's call it ""Mission Pretty Hard but Ultimately Doable"""
"Reddit CEO Ellen Pao is such a .. [Deleted]"
"her: psssssssst me: ? her: psssssssssssssssssssssst me: ??? her: psssssssssssssssssssssssssssst GOD DAMN IT, MY BLOW UP DOLL HAS A PUNCTURE"
"They say there's safety in numbers But it won't really matter if she swallows the sperm, will it?"
"[first day as coast guard] Boss: 7 people died on your watch today Me [looking off into the distance]: yes but the coast is fine"
"Yo mumma so fat.. Yo mumma so fat that she needs two wristwatches, one on each hand because she's in two timezones. NOTE: I'm Australian so I spell the word mum with an 'u'"
"What's red and crawls up your leg? A homesick abortion."
"What's the difference between a baloon and a condom? When a balloon pops - there's one less. When a condom pops - there's one more. Or more."
"Comas can really change the meaning of a sentence.. For example ""Ben is in a hurry."" ""Ben is in a coma."""