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Joke of the Day

"11yo son just walked by. If Axe was a drug, I'd be stoned right now."

"I got in touch with my inner self today. I'm never using cheap toilet paper again."

"What do you call a speeding vegetable? Michael Schumacher."

"Joan Rivers is just like Soldier Field... She used to be a National Historical Landmark before all of the modifications."

"What's the difference between a crackhead and a John? A crackhead buys crack so he can put it into his pipe and burn it. A John pays so that he can put his pipe into a crack that might burn him."

"Good Girls & Bad Girls! Difference Between Good Girls And Bad Girls Good Girls Open Few Buttons In Hot Atmosphere, But Bad Girls Open All Buttons To Make The Atmosphere Hot!"

"Plans to move the Russian Embassy from its current location have had to be postponed. Because Donald Trump won't pull his head out of the new place."

"What are feminists best at in mathematics? TRIGGER-nometry"

"How do you confuse a straight person? LGBTQ+"

"Ted Cruz wants a 19% federal sales tax on goods and services made in the U.S. The only thing flatter than this proposal : his personality."