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Joke of the Day

"Joan Rivers is just like Soldier Field... She used to be a National Historical Landmark before all of the modifications."

"Why does an octopus have 8 tentacles instead of 6? (OC) Because even god thinks ""Sextapus"" sounds ridiculous. (Note: For purposes of this joke, god both exists, and prefers latin.)"

"What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg"

"What's the name of that band Dave Matthews is in"

"Donald Trump has a new plan for solving the conflict of interest of him owning his business empire and being President He's going to put America into a blind trust."

"My kid just put on an apron and made homemade brownies so forget the world, I'm not even the best mom in my house anymore."

"Excited about my bike, I decided to start a cycling club. It's been weeks and no one has joined Maybe The Pedalphiles wasn't the best name :-/"

"How long does it take a tweaker to go shopping? An hour 5 minutes for the Ramen noodles and foil. 55 minutes to fix the squeaky shopping cart wheel."

"Some guy scared me after class and I dropped all my notes He scared me sheet-less."

"How do you keep an amish girl happy? Two men a night."