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Joke of the Day

"I act like I don't care but deep inside I still don't give a fcuk."

"Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children."

"I hate it when someone asks you for directions and you can't remember a street name so you have to strangle them behind the gas station."

"Hey Tim Burton, it's okay to be out of ideas."

"What's so dark about blonde jokes? They still haven't figured out how to screw in the lightbulb"

"My friend started jogging so he'd live longer. He got hit by a bus and died the next day."

"""Which would you like, a piano or a motorcycle?"" ""Yes."" (Yamaha)"

"Why is studying statistics hard to do in Afghanistan? because of the tally-ban"

"""The world needs an arbiter of good taste and common sense, and I am fully qualified for that job."" - every living human"

"I would rather weave a suit out of my grandfather's pubic hair than ""pull an all-nighter"" with you."