123188

Joke of the Day

"Sometimes i get scared robots are going to take over. Then i use a motion-controlled sink."

"How do you get an elderly lady to say f***? Get another one to say bingo"

"If you were to second guess your decision to stay at a hotel on a native american reserve... ....that would be a reservation reservation reservation -credit to Brian Regan"

"I told my son about the bird's and the bee's... And he told me about my wife and the butcher."

"What fish goes up the river at 100mph ? A motor pike !"

"I've decided to take some time off Twitter so I can focus on work and, ok, I'm back"

"Then a guy with a rope necklace and flat brimmed hat came in and everyone felt better about their own problems."

"My wife has this really weird fetish... She likes to dress up as herself and then act like a fucking bitch all the time."

"A group of mountain climbers once heard Father Christmas go past. They must have had sharp ears! They were mountain-ears!"

"A willow tree walks into a bar, and a guy sitting next to the counter says to the bartender, Who's the new guy? And the bartender says, I don't know, but I've heard he's a shady character!"