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Joke of the Day

"She said, ""I want twelve inches and I want it to hurt!"" So I screwed her twice and hit her in the head with a brick"

"I'm really glad they named a park bench after my uncle in memorial. It fits, he was great at having homeless ppl sleep on top of him"

"What do you call a barnyard uprising? A chicken coup! ;)"

"The lack of proof that Robert Downey Jr is stalking me just convinces me that he is very good at it."

"There was a maniac in town earlier today threatening to splash passersby with acid. Thankfully, police managed to neutralise him."

"Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards."

"Someone asked me if I was more indecisive or anti-climactic. I guess if I had to choose...I'd definitely say I'm one or the other."

"I keep all of my fishing equipment in one place. That's what sea shed."

"My friend is so stupid that he thinks twice before saying nothing."

"Yo mumma so fat.. Yo mumma so fat that she needs two wristwatches, one on each hand because she's in two timezones. NOTE: I'm Australian so I spell the word mum with an 'u'"