123115

Joke of the Day

"The hazards of time travel: Magneto clubbed to death by primitive stone-age man."

"If my pizza delivery guy isn't blasting Lionel Richie's ""Hello"" from his car when he rings my doorbell, I make him go back and start over."

"I DON'T WANT YOUR PITY but I'll take it."

"Beetlejuice 2 has been announced and is bringing Keaton back but without Winona... They were afraid she'd steal the show. /me drops the mic and walks off stage waving a pop tart"

"What did the alcoholic Dad, away on business, say to the bartender at the hotel bar? I'm ready to partiem with my perdiem *sorry, not a dad, and the bar tender didn't laugh either"

"Why did Hitler and Mussolini get into a footrace? They wanted to see who was the fascist."

"Did you hear about the straight white male viscount who ruled with an iron fist over one field? He was an oppressive shitlord."

"Currently helping my wife looking for her favourite vase that I threw out six months ago."

"Jazz is in my blood You could say I've got deep vein trombonses."

"Yo mamma is so stupid she tried to commit suicide by jumping from the basement window."