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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the straight white male viscount who ruled with an iron fist over one field? He was an oppressive shitlord."

"Why don't you see Santa for the rest of the year? Because for the rest of the year he's in prison for breaking into people's houses."

"SCIENTIST: Behold The self-esteem powered car! Come take it for a drive ME: uh okay *gets in* [CAR JUST LITERALLY FALLS APART]"

"*hears a sound* haha lol wat if its a ghost *5 hours later* wwhat if it was a ghost"

"What do you call a vegetable that always stays outside? An un-in."

"Life is like a box of chocolate... ... it doesn't last long for fat people."

"What's the difference between a seagull and a baby? The seagull flits along the shore, the baby shits along the floor."

"A friend of mine died late last night I woke up in mourning."

"I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill."

"Q: How many idiots who ask stupid questions does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Change it to what?"