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Joke of the Day

"Date: So... Tinder, huh? Me: Yup. Date: ... Me: This is kind of awkward. Date: Maybe we should've used real pictures. Me: You think so, MOM?"

"10 reasons why doctors use defibrillators... Number 4 will shock you!"

"In 2003 an Olive Garden waitress told me to tell her when to stop grating cheese on my salad. As far as I know she's still doing it."

"How come if ants are always so busy they always get time to show up at picnics ?"

"With a bit of practice I could be an excellent snooker player... But I dont have the balls and my pockets aren't that deep"

"""How'd the date go?"" Not good. Too many red flags. *Flashback to her house being covered with USSR flags* I think she might be a communist."

"Men Are Polite When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body....men are so polite they only look at the covered parts"

"Hey girl is your dad a terrorist cause...oh your dad works for Al-Qaeda? No, wait this is a pickup line. I'm sorry please don't cry."

"Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off."

"I'm expended, I'm expensive, And I'm expanded. ... Ijkwim."