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Joke of the Day

"Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off."

"My new party trick.. I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together..... I shit you knot."""

"What do you call a cat eating a girl out? Cannibalism"

"10:00pm *gets a snack* 10:01pm *turns on tv* 10:02pm *glances at twitter for 8 seconds* February"

"What's the difference between a good joke and click bait? This isn't a good joke."

"This year's Delta inflight buckle your seat belt video isn't as good as the last one. I give two and a half seat belts."

"Who took in most refugess? The Mediterranian Sea."

"Why don't blind people sky-dive? (from ""Money Train"") Because it scares the shit out of their dogs."

"Why did Chris Christie endorse Donald Trump? Christie wants the highest cabinet position possible because he knows - the higher cabinet is where they keep all the cookies!"

"There's no way smoking meth is as addictive or stressful as watching Breaking Bad."