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Joke of the Day

"A wise man once said, a cheating wife is like a deck of playing cards... You need a heart to love her A diamond to marry her A club to smash her fucking head in And a spade to bury the bitch..."

"What do you call 5 lesbians and 5 state workers? 10 people that don't do dick."

"What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky."

"Whoa whoa whoa. Stand down, nipples. It's just a little chilly weather, nothing to get excited about."

"French Guns for sale! Never Fired, dropped only once."

"It's so cool how math isn't real now that I'm a grown up."

"What did the lead researcher say when all of her colleagues were complaining about the experiment? ""I don't care et al."""

"Q.How do you put out a fire? A.Take away the HEAT FUEL OXYGEN or the CHIEF!"

"Wife: Where are the kids? Me *turns off router* [from down the hallway] HEYYYYYYY!!!! Me: They're in their rooms."

"I was in bed with a blind girl last night... and she says ""wow your really well hung"" to which I respond ""you're pulling my leg"""