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Joke of the Day

"Study finds that a man looks into a woman's eyes for 8.2 seconds if he is attracted to her, 4.5 seconds if he is not, and 0.0 seconds if she's a C-cup or above"

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"A man is standing on the top of a tall building about to commit suicide... ...when a physicist at the bottom shouts up, ""Don't do it! You have so much potential!"""
"A girl next to me in the trai sneezed. Me: bless you She: I have a boyfriend A few rows behind us : I'm vegan"
"Wrestling is Stupid B1: Bro, Wrestling is stupid. B2: Why, Bro? B1: Men with no pants... Fighting for a belt... WTF?"
"Commercial for Twitter dot com: *man yells nonsense out his window* Narrator: Don't you wish there were a better way?"
"My great-grandmother lived to be 106 and never needed glasses. She always just drank straight from the bottle."
"eer booze and fun!' 'How do barmen surf the web? On the Gin-ternet."
"When a woman has to pick one of three men: a smart one, a cute one or a rich one. She always chooses the asshole."
"What did Barack Obama say when he dropped his shell at the beach? Oh no Michelle !"
"bad ""it's so hot...."" one-liners Two that I came up with... It's so hot that Stryper sang ""To Today With the Devil"" It's so hot that Karen Carpenter ate an ice cream sandwich. your turn!"