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Joke of the Day

"Unless you're telling me how to skip it in the future, your voicemail greeting wastes my time."

"What did the pirate say when asked how old he was? Aye Matey!"

"A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire."

"What's the difference between toilet paper and a hand towel? So you're the one!"

"Why do indegionous people dislike snow? Because it's white and settles on their land."

"What's your stand on renewable energy? I don't know about you, but I'm a Big Fan."

"I love being alive but my favorite thing to do is sleep."

"How can you tell when Ron Jeremy is finished pumping gas? He pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car!"

"How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel."

"Want to know where to find the worst pun in Alberta? Call gary"