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Joke of the Day

"The only good part about choking to death on Teddy Grahams is your family can technically say you were killed by bears. Which sounds cool."

"You really have to hand it to blind prostitutes"

"""Got kicked out of the hokey pokey class for putting it in, when I was supposed to be shaking it all about."""

"What do you call a Tumblr user who identifies as a device which inflates a tire? A pumpkin!"

"Two peanuts were walking down the street.. And one of them was assaulted."

"Umlaut is a pretty fancy word for what are basically just little letter nipples."

"How are a grenade and a girlfriend similar? If they're good ones, they'll both blow really well."

"Me: *shakes bosses hand* Sorry I'm late to the meeting boss. Boss: No problem, restroom? Me: Yes, and we're out of TP and hand soap again."

"I tried to use a watch as a belt But it's just a waist of time"

"What do you call to a dog with no legs ? NOTHING because dog isn't going to come anyways :P"