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Joke of the Day

"MAN: [after being mauled by a bear] oh it's just a scratch MAN: [with a cold] omg i can't breathe i think i'm dying"

"Anyone under the age of 21 should be legally required to end every sentence with the phrase ""but there's a good chance I'm wrong about that"""

"What do you call a bar in Star Wars? A space bar."

"Knock, Knock! Who's There? Alzheimer's! Alzheimer's who? Knock, Knock!"

"I applied for a job as a suicide bomber. I said I have no previous experience, they didn't seem to mind."

"Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a registered six offender"

"Do you smoke? Smokers: ""Yes."" Non-Smokers: ""Never have, never will."" Stoners: ""Smoke what?"""

"Why is it true that if vegans ate you it would not be cannibalism? Because you are fucking nuts"

"My mother doesn't believe the dough will rise in the oven. She'll believe when she sees the proof."

"When a newly married couple smile, everyone knows why. But when a fifteen year married couple smile every wonders why..!!!"