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Joke of the Day

"1)sit in toddler seat of a shopping cart. 2)tip over til feet touch the ground. 3)stand up. you're now a grocery turtle. no one can stop you"

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"What happens when a fork and a spoon get into a fight? Civilwar!"
"Jesus walked on water? Big deal. I can too. Let's see him walk on Vodka"
"What did the Dalai Lama say to the guy in the kebab shop? ""Make me one with everything."""
"If women ruled the World, there would be no wars... Just a bunch of countries not talking to each other."
"I got head from a blind woman She didn't see it coming!"
"Police arrested 2 kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off"
"Why could the witch never get the enchantments right? She forgot to use Spell Check."
"[Guy sees octopus doing squats at the gym on 4 legs] ""You doing legs today?"" Octopus: Yeah my fourarms hurt."
"How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? You're a fucking rapist."