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Joke of the Day
"I got head from a blind woman She didn't see it coming!"
Next Joke
"I went to a disco last night... (mildly NSFW) They played The Twist, so I did the twist. They played Jump, so I jumped. They played Come on Eileen I got kicked out."
"On November 9th... Me: ""I guess President Hillary Clinton is with VP Tim Kaine now. And both feeling pretty high. You could say she's ....co-Kaine! Hahah!"" Wife: ""Trump won."" Me: ""Shit..."""
"[first date] *Ok don't let her know you're a vampire* ""Would you like a mint?"" *reaches in pocket, pulls out SPF 5,000,000,000* ""Dammit"""
"My mother came up to me and said, ""Son, what does MILF stand for?"" I said, ""Mum I'd Like to Fuck"" She said, ""Ok, let me bath first."""
"Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrup........ MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! [Works best IRL](/spoiler)"
"I started seeing a psychic. I knew she was good because she told me she's voted best in the city 2017 and 2018."
"I got pulled over drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn't even know I was driving."
"what do you call a whale that mates constantly? your girlfreind"
"Did you know there is a Virus that turns fruits into vegetables? It's called AIDS."