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Joke of the Day

"Kidnapper: Pay up or I'll leak your nudes Me: So what? K: Then I'll tweet your drafts M: Ok don't do anything crazy we can work this out"

"Hey, women that breastfeed in public... What's with you not winking back?"

"Have you ever eaten a clock before? It's very time consuming."

"Why did the atheist fail algebra? He didn't believe in higher powers!"

"Where can you buy a 3 headed flying purple camel with 74 noses? Ebay."

"Jackie stood quietly as her father examined her report card. ""What is this 45 in math?"" asked her father. ""I think that's the size of the class"" she said quickly!"

"Why couldn't Jesus's eat m&m's? They kept falling threw the holes in his hands."

"It doesn't make any sense for ugly girls to play hard to get. You're already playing hard to want."

"I have a clear conscience until a police car pulls behind me. Then I'm like ""OH GOD WHAT IF I MURDERED SOMEONE DID I MURDER SOMEONE"""

"Why don't Jews play basketball? Because even if they miss the shot, they still ask for change."