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Joke of the Day

"Have you ever eaten a clock before? It's very time consuming."

"What do you do when a blonde girl throws a grenade at you You pull the pin and throw it back"

"[at funeral] ""my phone is vibrating"" want me to create a distraction so you can answer it? ""no, are you craz- *points at casket* HE BLINKED"

"I used to do drugs... ...I still do, but I used to, too."

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl urinate? Because of its silent ""p"""

"Want to take a look at my benefit package?"

"What's the difference between a black man and batman? Batman can go a day without robin."

"Right before our Grandpa died we covered his back in butter. He went downhill pretty quickly after that."

"My wife was choking so I quickly googled ""how to save a life"" Was a good song to drown out the noise she was making."

"Why did Hillary go to the gynecologist? She was feelin' the Bern!"