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Joke of the Day

"What did the milk say to the cheese? Hey, you're old!"

"My girlfriend cheated on me. She damn near broke my back."

"3.14% of sailors are... -rates."

"New friend: want 2 go tanning w/me tmrw? Me: ok. sounds fun. idk where 2 get cowhides. do u?"

"Haaha What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off."

"When she found out he worked in technical support, it really turned her on. Then it turned her off. Then it turned her on again."

"What do you call weed from Denmark? Dansk kush."

"I got a blowjob for Valentine's Day. (NSFW) I'm so fucking fucked if my wife finds out."

"ME: I wasn't invited to the party FRIEND: Yeah, people think you're melodramatic ME: [slaps friend with silk glove] Then I shall die alone"

"It's wisest to pick the side of the person who knows the most shit about you"