121909

Joke of the Day

"[speed dating] Anyway, do you have a baby hedgehog? ""No."" *I take a deep breath and roll my eyes* [timer beeps]"

"Just bet myself that the guy walking ahead of me was rocking a mustache. Won. Rewarded myself with the delusion that I live a full life."

"Canadian Army training is 6 weeks of learning how to throw a snowball."

"PERSONAL TRAINER: How's your nutrition? ME: *dipping my burrito into custard* Not going to lie. It's been worse."

"There's nothing quite like a pissed off toddler trying to make her point by angrily storming away on a ride on ladybug"

"It's amazing how alcohol can make you do so many stupid things on your smart phone."

"What's it called when a cow attempts to jump a barbed-wire fence? An udder disaster"

"Facebook memories are a great way to see how fat you've gotten."

"What's the difference between a bird and a fly? Birds can fly, but flies can't bird"

"In my house there are 5 females, 9423 pony tail holders, 49 bottles of nail polish, 8 justin bieber posters & 1 very patient, worn down man."