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Joke of the Day

"Just bet myself that the guy walking ahead of me was rocking a mustache. Won. Rewarded myself with the delusion that I live a full life."

"An apple didn't fall on Isaac Newton's head. He missed the gravity of the situation."

"Went to an astrologer and found out why my wife and I aren't compatible. I'm a Capricorn and she's a fucking BITCH!"

"How could batman possibly defeat superman? Put him on a horse I'm now going to hell with the rest of you..."

"Q. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? A. Because if they all went it would be Hell."

"[vacuuming] Pick up your feet please. Kid on sofa: No! Ok *sucks kid into vacuum feet first* *turns to next kid* Pick up your feet please."

"This one is an oldie but a goodie Your mom"

"My girlfriend's vagina is like a Tesco shopping trolley It takes a pound in."

"Teacher: Why are you late? Boy: My fish died. Teacher: What fish? Boy: You don't know him he goes to different school."

"What surfs the Internet and goes 'Choo Choo'? Thomas the Search Engine."