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Joke of the Day

"Playing doctors and nurses with the wife in the bedroom last night didn't go very well. Especially when I diagnosed her as clinically obese."

"Your smell is so intoxicating Your skin so soft and warm I can't wait to eat you up ~Mosquitos"

"Hey, little bird! Maybe you wouldn't have to move your head around so much looking for threats if you didn't make so much god damn noise!"

"First date: [ok, don't let her know you're a t-rex] Her: I absolutely love it when guys open the car door for me Me: Shit."

"Why don't NFL players wear glasses? Because it's a contact sport."

"Does pornography degrade women? Or does it merely raise the standard by which they are judged?"

"I'm not saying Ellen Pao is Hitler but.. I haven't seen the two of them in the same room.."

"wise man jokes?"

"What is ISIL's favourite dessert? Terrormisu"

"Whats the difference between a Snowman and a SnowWoman? Snowballs!"