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Joke of the Day

"Dear karma: perhaps we could be partners? You're doing great work, but I've identified a bunch of people you've overlooked."

"My doctor just gave me some good news about my prostate.... ...He gave me the thumbs up"

"Michael Phelps just won another gold medal for taking the quickest bath."

"What do the ninja turtles say when bad guys ask them where they learnt to fight Master splinter tortoise"

"The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller."

"Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file."

"My neighbors are having a terrible fight in the front yard. I mean hanging Christmas lights. Same."

"[oc] I just bought a new computer. It is Made in Jamaica. Runs really fast, but doesn't do anything useful."

"Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me:If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too? #slapped"

"Sex is so much more with a big penis . . . With a small penis, you're barely scratching the cervix."