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Joke of the Day

"What do the ninja turtles say when bad guys ask them where they learnt to fight Master splinter tortoise"

"What you you call a girl you meet on Reddit? You don't."

"Why didn't the mother splinter call her son on his birth-day? Because he's a little prick!"

"Mammals for $500 Alex ""Slow moving mammals that spend most of their time sleeping & eating"" What are sloths? ""Wrong, What are coworkers"""

"I cant use facebook cuz everyone making popular comment I wish I thought of first, like ""thank God it Friday!"" or ""Im pregnant of baby"""

"My dentist bumped into my orthodontist. I'm sure it was acci*dental*."

"SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE John: I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you? Bob: I'm not sure. What was your wife's maiden name?"

"Using a macbook is like making love to a woman There are so many things to do with your fingers, but none of them work."

"Am I the only one who's concerned about the fact that we haven't heard SHIT from Wyoming in like nine years?"

"R.E.M.'s ""Everybody Hurts"" should automatically play every time anyone takes the first bite into a microwaveable burrito."