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Joke of the Day

"[oc] I just bought a new computer. It is Made in Jamaica. Runs really fast, but doesn't do anything useful."

"""I can't wait until this one orange erases years of poor eating choices."" -me, dieting"

"Guarantees in life: 1) death 2) taxes 3) me pulling the handle of your car door at the same moment you try to unlock it"

"Did you hear about the guy who fell into a truck full of French bread? He's in a lot of pain now."

"Did you hear about the vertically challenged psychic that robbed a bank? Police say they're looking for a small medium at large."

"I decided to put laxatives in my weed brownies... Just for shits and giggles!"

"What does an Internet frog say? Reddit Reddit"

"One time I exaggerated so hard that I died."

"Trump keeps talking about restoring ""law and order."" I dunno about you, but I'd rather vote for a candidate who wants to restore Firefly."

"My girlfriend just replied to my text saying she is up for a threesome tonight! Now I am anxiously waiting for my wife to reply."