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Joke of the Day

"There is a special species of bird that is really good at holding stuff together... They're called velcrows."

"I'm never gonna tell the person I'm meeting up with that you said hi."

"Turning to an episode of Seinfeld and discovering it's one you've never seen is like finding a twenty dollar bill in your pocket."

"I think my wife considers me her rainbow. Or at least, according to her, I'm on the spectrum."

"I asked my wife what would be the best way to get rid of our son's hiccups. She said, ""Stick on your priest costume."""

"What was King Arthur's favourite game? Knights and crosses!"

"What is the difference between an american and a canadian? 69 cents."

"No, they're not called hedge funds because hedgehogs control the global economy. What a silly idea. :) *later to thugs* They know too much."

"Why did the female asteroid deny her boyfriends marriage proposal? Because she was scared of comet-ment"

"I judge every book by its cover: ""Too smart for me"" is what I say and then look at Twitter on my phone."