198970

Joke of the Day

"Why did the female asteroid deny her boyfriends marriage proposal? Because she was scared of comet-ment"

"[at dave's who has like 9 dogs] me: ""what d'you call a fly with no wings"" dave: ""keith dont"" me: ""a WALK!"" [drowns in a tidal wave of dogs]"

"I saw a guy holding a TV I was walking down the street, when I saw a black guy holding a TV. I thought ""holy shit, is that mine?"" I went home to check. But nah, mine was at home polishing my shoes."

"A haunted house would be pretty scary if it was filled with light switches that accidentally turned on the garbage disposal."

"what is the difference between love and herpies? Love doesn't last forever."

"When life gives you lemons, you should peel one in front of the other lemons. You know... to send a message."

"Jupit. Jupiter. Jupitest."

"Yo momma so fat, when she blushes People mistake her for the Blood Moon"

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. You also miss 100% of the shots you do take because you suck at basketball."

"I have really bad hay fever Which means I have an uncontrollable desire to have sex with the straw man from the wizard of Oz"